hi guys!!!!!! mwah! i miss you  much! i miss this much. mwah mwah. lick! lick! skurp! ( yeuk , hehehehe)

how have you been? me? i have a wonderfully challenging job! (is sarcasm in here somewhere?) when i resigned i have had two jobs with varied nature before my old bosses talked me into coming back because they are starting another company. they assigned me a central post even if i have expressed my desire to be in cagayan de oro! 

anyway, it can wait pa naman.

my love life is neglected much. though i miss my old flame saying he loves me much much many times, i couldnt forget that he cheated on me.

my old bf is emailing me and seems to be warm but he doesnt show further interest on me. just replying to what ive replied back to him. hmmm. experts, are you there somewhere?

life is financially challenging. ive been scrimping down on snacks and expenses. i want to go shopping but i know i couldnt stretch my cash. i think i have to get a credit card soon.

life is really complicatedly simple. sometimes things are so obvious but we dont see them because a smoked glass of emotions, impressions, bonds and hang-ups are preventing us from seeing what's there very obviously. i think clarity is far when you yourself is refusing to clear up the smokes and see reality and the simplicity of solutions behind complicated matters.

what a thought from someone whose clarity is constantly being challenged.

hi,old folks. as usual i just pop in when there's time. im OK. i feelwonderful! I hope you do too. :)

i dont know when i have become an advisor(?) (er.. is that even the right word? but somebody emailed me asking for my advise??!!?? and when i privately replied to him, there was a mailfailure returning to me..sheesh!so i guess i have to do this in public. i had thought i would just ignore him but ive been having near nightmares about him hanging by his tongue ( eww. gross? hehehe. imagine taking an enzyme-rich bath first before dying..er, does that hasten the decomposition?) yeuk. stop stop.

here's his mail:

dear cyduced,

i am 25 years old and an internet addict.  happened to drop by your site through some mistake (gee, thanks. :D) and had been captured by the sight of your nick. (that is not my nick!! how dare you say it  as if it is my dick!! i dont even have any.grrowl).. you see my problem is chronic.chronic because i have tried it again and again but without any success. I am attractred to two ladies with different temperaments. You see, i have been trying to seduce them to sleeping with me... but to no avail.

so tell me please, mademoiselle... how were you seduced? did he use any potion? or lubricant ? ( you really are ... trying..) how long was the seduction process and how good was it?

did you had orgasm? how  does one seduce another, in thefrst place

yours,  ( no. thanks but i dont want to have you.)

seducer

i will let goof scalding advise at my next blog coz i am running out of time. however  you can  help me, guys!!!

meanwhile here's an inspirational email got.

_________________

Don't Grow Old
> An article from Sun-Star daily newspaper
> By Melanie T. Lim
> June 2, 1999
 
Many people are afraid of growing old. I'm afraid of growing old and boring. Many people are afraid of growing old, alone. I'm afraid of growing old,insane. Many people are afraid of losing their looks. I'm afraid of losing my dreams. Many people are afraid of losing youth. I'm afraid of losing my soul.
 
When you're 15, 35 seems ancient. When you're 35, 15 seems juvenile. A turnaround in a split second - two decades zoom past and before you know it, it's only a mile to the next millenium. Don't fear age - it's a right of personhood. Don't fear death - it's God's greatest jest. Don't grow old - you don't have to.
 
Don't date because you're desperate. Don't marry because you're miserable. Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior. Don't separate because you think it's fashionable. Don't drink because you have troubles. Don't gamble because you think winning is inevitable. Don't philander because
you think you're irresistible. Most likely, you're not.
 
Don't associate with people you can't trust. Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend. Don't try to buy your way into the kingdom of God. Don't dictate
because you're smarter. Don't demand because you're stronger. Don't sleep around because you think  you're old enough and know better. Don't hurt your
kids because loving them is harder. Don't sell yourself, your family or your ideals. Don't stagnate. Don't regress. Learn a new skill. Find a new friend. Start a new career. Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.

Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right. Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because your biological clock is ticking and you
can't afford to have your eggs harvested before the new millenium.
 
There's always a mad rush to something, somewhere but victory does not always belong to those who finish first. Sometimes, there is no race to be won
only a price to be paid for some of life's more hasty decisions. You can't always go with the throng who could be wrong. Sometimes, you have to be alone
to be enlightened.
 
To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless. To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy. To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy. Don't bring another life into this world
for all the wrong reasons. To keep yourself warm, buy a jacket. In the long-run, it will be less complicated and less costly. To make yourself happy, pursue your passions and be the best of what you canbe.
 
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter. Get rid of destructive elements -- abusive friends, nasty habits and dangerous liaisons. Don't abandon your
responsibilities but don't overdose on duty. Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family. Be true to yourself. Don't commit when
you're not ready. Don't keep others waiting needlessly. Fall in love - it's the greatest thing on earth. But take care and remember, after the fall must come the rise.
 
Go on that trip. Don't postpone it. Say those words. Don't let the moment pass. Do what you must even at society's scorn. Write poetry. Love deeply. Walk
barefoot. Hold hands. Dance with wild abandon. Cry at the movies. Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care of you. You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination. No one completes you - except you.
 
It is true that life doesn't get easier with age. It only gets more challenging. Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love. Pursue your passions. Live your dreams. Don't lose faith in God. Don't
grow old. Just grow up...

hmmm. i feel happy when i see your comments. muchthanks for the subscribers(though i still havent gotten over the wonder that i have even one, shucks ***grins***) and the epropfairies- - ur making me come back every once in a while. i wish you all a blessed and wonderful life. :)

my former lady boss emailed me this though she says im too young to get married.she was 32 when she married and im just 23..hee hee ( we share the same slightly twisted humor):

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

________________________

).. i found out that working on a government office can be so dull and boringly ....uh, dull. i've left the financial fields last march 15, and worked as a system site support specialist for the computerization of LTO. ( have you heard that thing yet?) one thing is this: if the site for cebu opens up, im gonna volunteer. and i hope youre gonna welcome me back into your  hopefully-exciting life there. ****chuckles***

the thing is : i found out real life in govt offices means: witnessing bribery, corruption and sheer bureaucracy happen. it sucks.

some predicts that with my idealistic views and high principles (uh oh) id either be throwing this stuff out of my life soon. yet, some have the audacity, the nerve, the gall, (or the prophetic gift?) to say id be drowned in the system itself and be like those i disdain right now.

weelllll, right know, i still know my principles. thank you for thinking about that, kind maam.  **still cheeky-me*** but i dont know how far ill hold. i know that if i wont bend, ill crack. or snap. yet, i pray that this computerization will lessen, if not stop these shadowy affairs from going on. the thing is, when i talk to the people who are doing these deeds, they seem... harmless, human and... good at heart. yes, i know, people have sides like a coin....

hmmm. enough about this discussion on society...

i can simply call the past month: the limbo.

i changed jobs.  i nearly got into trouble because of my principles being constantly challenged. i have no internet access anymore, thats why no weblogs. i went to several far places. getting ready to travel again, actually.

my non-existent boyfriend is playing the role to the hilt.

a suitor stopped wooing me when he saw me after months of absence. so many transformations daw, o. he can't handle that.

a good friend, nearly boyfriend, cried beside me and nearly broke my heart with guilt.

honestly, i want to leave everything behind, for a while. new places. new faces.

even for just a while.